ok i just wanna feel sorry for myself rite now

im a friendship failure. my closest frens see me as a footnote that they remember every now and then and especially when they need soemthing. people hu have not been bothered to talk to me in ages start talking to me because they want to borrow money or ask for a favour that they know i can help them with. how do u think it would feel. haihz i guess they dun even care actually. oh wells. i guess everyone is selfish in thier own ways and everyone is just looking out for themselevs all the time. i know i probably have hurt others before too but right ow i feel like im being bombarded. maybe i shld just not cultivate friendships anymore cos whenever i feel that maybe ive found my place then its just gone.

looking on the bright side maybe God is teaching me that He is the only friend i need, that people are not to be counted on because He is the only constant. that the interests of people come and go like the tiodes but God is always interested and always there. maybe He is preparing me for a time of lonliness in my future life and if this is the way that its gotta be then so be it. but right now it just really hurts.

i guess i shldnt be publishing this but i dun really care anymore. maybe i shld just get a blog where only i can enter. that would rock. i feel insecure now. i let someone know more than i shld have and that was a mistake. people do not deserve trust because people betray trust.

okok. dun get worried on me its just tt its late and ive been thinking abt it for the past few days and its been weighing me down and im just feeling really low tonight. janelle was telling me how she really thot tt char shella and rena and i were like best of friends. what a joke lah. i doubt they even care. but then again i dun care abt them either. u can live with a person for a few days and still not care about them and thats the same thing. haihz. anyway im over them liao lah. i just wodner why history always repeats itself

maybe i shld just not care. seems like those pple hu dun care about thier friends seem to hold on to them better than those who do. i just wish i could understand why.

i do feel sorry for msyelf and that is the truth. i feel sorry that people use me and i let them because i dun wanna lose them and that i feel it but will never tell them because i dun wanna lose them so i just pretend that nothing is wrong and when they ask me "please...." i will help them, but tho i hide it and pretend to myself that i dun care that everything is fine, its not. crap man.

ok. i will allow myself to feel sorry for 1 hr and den this feeling must go.